A couple minutes
Thirty years of life and I still can't wrap my head around my emotional states.
Not that I have ever been good at dealing with my emotions but sometimes I get surprised by how little I seem to understand what's going on inside me.
Today has been a pretty good day. I woke up early in a good mood, stepped by the bakery to get a nice breakfast for my partner, went through a tiring but pleasant and satisfactory workday, had a drink with people, went back home to a good dinner and chilled afterwards.
But I suck. I feel like a piece of rotten shit. Disgusting. Empty. Meaningless. How did it happen? When did I cross the line? Where did this fucking bullet train that suddenly hit me in the guts come from?
I just had a flashback of a song I used to love as a teenager. Destroy my soul. Strike in me everything that reminds what is human. -- I'm failing to provide a proper translation, but that was the gist -- Sometimes it's just like this. I want to rip my soul out of my fucking body. I want to shred myself to pieces.
I want to get out of here, whatever "here" is.
Even only for a couple minutes, once in a while.